"Do I look fat?"
Chances are if a chubby chum asks you this, you'll think twice, rather than respond with a bluntly honest, "Yes!"
The majority of us will offer tactful responses - "No, it's the camera that adds 10 pounds on you." "Nope, it's those jeans that look tight on you." Or, "You're just big boned and have a naturally round face!" (All cleverly tailored to prevent hurt feelings and dejection on behalf of one's overweight friends.)
What kind of reaction can we expect if we did answer truthfully?
A small percentage of the thicker-skinned, who countered back to the "Am I fat" question with "Yes, you are" - reported alarming outbursts of tears and emotions from the friend who so nonchalantly posed the question to begin with.
A small minority, to their credit, have been known to face up to reality, take feedback in their stride and proceeded to lose the weight that their friends pointed out to them.
But generally in situations like these, many of us prefer to live day-to-day in a state of ignorant bliss, blind to personal faults and imperfections generally in situations like these, many of us prefer to live day-to-day in a state of ignorant bliss, blind to personal faults and imperfections. (One's weight can be a touchy topic, best not to delve into, with those more sensitive souls).
I know someone who is completely obsessed with his classmate. Every time we chat, I am the unwitting audience to detailed monologues about his mundane classroom interactions with her.
He has a fixed idea in his head that this girl likes him, but is too shy to give out any signs or hints. And disconcertingly convinced that they'll eventually declare their feelings and live happily ever after.
In the middle of one his stories recently, he let drop how another classmate had informed him that his crush couldn't stand him, found him creepy, and wished he'd go away and leave her alone. Although a bit shell-shocked to have had these facts so brutally thrown at him, he wasn't deterred. In ending his running commentary, out popped the same question - "Do you think she still likes me?"
Advising him to take the hint and give this girl the space (that she so obviously and dearly needed), he grew stonily impassive, insisting, "One day she'll grow more comfortable with me, and we'll be friends". To this day he remains stuck on the motto - "If the truth doesn't fit, dismiss it!"
A cousin of mine was in love with someone who strung her along and wouldn't commit. In the end, to her credit, she walked away. You've heard the phrase, "Time heals all wounds"?
Well in this case - it didn't.
Seven years on, she still periodically professes how much she misses and adores him, before changing tack, venting her bitterness and declaring how she'll never love again (and how it was all his fault). Ever watched a re-run of a bad soap opera? It was like that.
A few of us encouraged her to forget the cad, let go of the memories and move on with her life. "You deserve better!" whenever his name came up, was what we thought, soothing balm for her bruised ego. In the end she fired back about how fed up she was of being constantly told how she "deserved better". (Although not as fed up as we were, constantly hearing her bemoaning the loss of the former Mr. Love of her Life).
The truth can be embarrassing, hurtful or annoying - even when it's meant well. The first instinct for most people is to sweep it under the carpet - who can blame them?
Still it's better to face up to it sooner, rather than later. Or you might find yourself less popular than before. And with fewer friends than you'd like!
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