Appearance - it's one of those factors that we tend to judge our fellow human beings by. Being the superficial, shallow creatures we are, it's also probably the first thing we take into account when we meet new people, coo over a friend's baby, hire a new employee or decide on a potential life partner.
Just how important is our personal appearance? Look around and you will see. Jobs are gained and lost over it. Relationships are made and broken over it. Rivalries are struck and pageants are competed over it. The list goes on.
Our looks are something that we invest lots of time (and money) towards maintaining. Perhaps more so when we're young and single, than after marriage - as was recently pointed out to me.
In our local community, some of us might take perverse pleasure in observing the difference in a couple's appearance, before and after marriage. While the dating game keeps us on our toes in terms of weight watching, dieting, makeup, fashion sense and personal grooming...it can sometimes be observed that the institution of marriage, has the complete opposite effect!
Take the young, slim, couple with magazine-model looks who recently got hitched. Now, fast forward 5 to 10 years. What do you get? Flip through the pages of the family photo album and you'll probably see a middle-aged couple, with slightly (or drastically) thicker waistlines and rounder faces, for whom the importance of personal appearance got long-lost in the whirlwind of parenthood, family obligations and home-cooked meals.
In Malaysia, the authorities, worried about the rising numbers of divorces, recently came out with a novel idea for married couples. They called on husbands and wives to bathe together, in order to foster a sense of closeness, (as well as to test their theory that sweeter body odours - would result in sweeter, more enduring relationships).
Are the Malaysians hinting that perhaps "true" love comes with conditions after all? What a rude shock to those out there, who, after tying the knot, perhaps naively expected their "happily ever after" to last forever.
Could it be ladies, that your affection starts to fade slightly whenever your husband forgoes his morning shaving/deodorant ritual and when his favourite football jersey and faded jeans become his daily choice of dress?
And guys, have your eyes begun to wander since your wife gave up on makeup, facials and hair salons after popping out baby number 5?
Is wedded and family bliss all that it's cracked up to be?
Maybe love doesn't always conquer all!
Studies have pointed out that as early as the 3rd wedding anniversary, men and women stop trying to "dress to impress", letting their looks and appearances slide, along with the basic etiquette and chivalry that they used to charm each other with, before they made their love official.
So maybe he doesn't hold your hand anymore when you go out - and she pays more attention to the kids, than she does to you.
Maybe you've both gained 15 kilos and neither of you resemble anything like the guy or girl you each fell in love with.
Did you ever stop to think, wives that your husbands just don't have the heart to confess that you're looking less slim and more "sihat"? (rough English translation: tubby).
Did you ever think, husbands, that maybe you should take your better halves more seriously when they begin throwing hints that your clothes are looking old and sloppy (and especially when they buy you expensive, new cologne)?
One in four marriages end up in divorce. Could our waning attention to personal grooming be a reason why so many in our society (both men and women) are tempted to stray and play the field, even after they've said "I Do".
Whether you've been married for a year or ten years - both halves need to encourage each other to maintain their overall appearance, in order to maintain some degree of interest (and before eyes start to wander).
A few tips from relationship experts: couples should take time out from their busy work and family schedules to spend time together, at least once a week. Walks or jogs at the local park, or a game of squash or badminton will not only do wonders for your health and personal appearance, but also give you a common activity and interest to enjoy together.
Think - if you're not aware of your own personal appearances, than what hope do your kids have?
In Brunei, we love to eat out. Nothing is more convenient than taking the kids out for a quick lunch at "Ayamku" or similar fast food joint, after school. For many, it's the easiest route towards getting the kids off to Ugama School in the afternoons, while still allowing for some degree of punctuality to arrive at work. Twenty years ago, fried chicken and burgers might have been a monthly treat that parents gave their children. Today, it's practically a daily ritual!
Also according to traditional, local lines of thought, a chubby-cheeked, well-fed child is a healthy and cherished one. Many parents even feel a sense of personal accomplishment and satisfaction, when receiving compliments on their children's cuteness.
In our part of the world, "cute" generally means "chubby". Unfortunately for the child, once they've passed age 12, their chubbiness ceases to be cute. (The words "Fat" or "Obese" may spring to mind instead).
Why is it so common then, to see adults who should know better, encouraging their overweight children, to finish everything on their dinner plates, short of licking it clean?
Perhaps it stems from our grandparents, who lived in times when rationing and scarcity was commonplace, and who could never be certain when the next meal would be.
There's an element of cruelty in this behaviour, which is quite widespread. If you just look around, you will often see parents coaxing and then praising their offspring as they shovel up their food, or handing them sweets as peace offerings whenever their little (and large) ones decide to throw tantrums.
It might be all well and good to encourage a growing child - but what about when the child starts looking decidedly overgrown?
Here's when parental care becomes a vicious circle: An overfed child becomes a target for nudges and winks from siblings and peers. Even parents aren't shy of poking fun at their "larger than life" offspring, giving the not-so-little-ones, nicknames such as "Anak Gajah " (little elephant). They may think it's funny, but not the child, for whom the joke lost it's hilarity long ago.
http://www.borneobulletin.com.bn/weekend/news/nov21f8.htm
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